January 16, 2011

This last weekend has been a mix of emotions. Some good, some bad, but it was mostly good. I love the friends that I have at utah state and will never forget any of them! They have made an impact on my life and mean so much to me. Friday night was a fantastic night! A lot of us went over to party at pike and had a great time. I had to not think about leaving all of them, but I did pretty good that night. Saturday night was a little harder though. It was my last night there for a long while and that was hard, but it was a good night overall. The only bad part of the weekend was trying to deal with an unfinished situation. So I am pretty shy and when I need to talk to someone about something important, it never comes out right, that's pretty much what happened. I tried talking to this guy that I really like, earlier on saturday, about how I feel and how things were going to work out with me leaving, and I did not do a very good job expressing the way I feel. It really went nowhere. We were both having a hard time with this whole thing and I just wish I would have really told him how I feel and that it would have come out the way I planned it to. So I went on the rest of that night and it was kind of awkward, but it was still fun. As I was saying bye to everyone when I left that night, I said bye to him and it was probably the worst goodbye I've ever had with anyone, it was just so unfinished. So that was a hard night and today was kind of hard also, but I know that everything will work out and that things happen for a reason even if we don't know the reason right at that moment. It will be a big change for me and i know I'll have great times and i'm sure i'll have some rough times but at this point I think I'm ready for whatever comes my way! 

January 10, 2011

My life has taken quite a turn in the last month or so. I've gone from loving Utah State and never wanting to leave because I thought I had found out where i fit in this world, to packing up all of my things from my on-campus dorm to move to California. Things have changed so much I don't even know what to do with my life anymore. I was planning on finishing out my college career at Utah State, but now I don't even know if I'll go back... I know that I want to, but the only reason I want to go back, as of right now, is because of the wonderful sisters that I have in the Alpha Chi Omega Sorority and the fantastic friendships that I have made with them and the wonderful boys of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity. I've finally found something that means the world to me and I don't want to loose it. My sisters make me feel loved and wanted. I love and care about them so much! They have shaped me and taught me more than I could ever imagine, I will never forget what they have done for me. Becoming apart of this wonderful organization has been the best decision of my life and I would never take it back. I have grown so close to all of the people that I have met in this last year that I don't ever want to leave and loose the friendships that I've made, and what we've become. This was the first time in my life where I felt like I belonged to something bigger, that meant more and would never end. Soon to find out it would end a lot sooner than expected. It was really hard for me to accept and try to move on with my  life. I have now come to accept that everything does happen for a reason, even if we don't know the reason right now. I have been getting really excited about moving to California and starting over for myself, becoming who I want to be without anyone knowing my past. I will miss the wonderful people that I have met and grown to love in the time I have had at Utah State, but I will never forget them or the things they have done for me.